Homework. Dinner. Life.

This blog post is dedicated to my grandmother- hands-down the sweetest, most forgiving woman in the world. I have only known her to stay angry about one thing- ever- and that was a one-way conversation she had in 1971 when a relative asked "if she always let her husband do all the work" at a cook out.

In a few days our country will celebrate its independence from England. Yes, fellow Americans, it will soon be the 4th of July. Are you ready for the big holiday? Do you have a red, white and blue outfit? Did you spray the bird poop off the deck chairs? Great!

The Fourth should be my favorite holiday- there are no gifts and nobody expects you to decorate.  Food, friends, family: the 4th of July is like Thanksgiving, but with fabulous weather. Best of all, the holiday has nothing to do with your religious or political beliefs, somebody's birthday, or whether or not you are in a committed relationship.  If you're an American, you can celebrate. Heck, if you want to be an American you can celebrate! Democrat or Republican, pro-war or against it- it doesn't matter. It's cool to be patriotic.  We are all free to eat off paper plates!  Fire crackers, ice cream, cold beer- I want to be excited about the 4th of July. But I have a question I need answered. 

How is watching men stand in front of smoky grills translate into celebrating this great country's independence? This is what the American Revolution was all about?

It's everywhere, this Men as Grillmasters foolishness. I knew it must be okay for men to get their grill on when I saw the ultimate macho mobster, Tony Soprano, poking meat in front of his wife (no pun intended). Turn on the TV (network or cable), look over the fence into your neighbor's yard, peer up at apartment patios- you will see variations of the same theme. Men posing with their wide stances, flipping various forms of dead animals(burgers, steaks, chicken, hot dogs). They look so serious and sweaty, you'd almost believe they had some special skill, that they deserved some sort of recognition or adulation. 

Men, please explain why watching meat cook is such a big deal. You want a round of applause because you can stare right at the food and not burn it? And, what is with the invisible shield of protection? Why can't the kids speak to you- or enter the six-foot force field that surrounds you- while you watch the meat sizzle? You have only one thing to do all day, and you need to concentrate? Sheesh, I've seen Mom stir risotto, talk on the phone, fill out a permission slip, and change a diaper at the same time. 

In honor of the holiday, I'll take the role of  Town Crier. "Hear ye! Hear ye! Women make the 4th of July holiday work for the rest of us!"  They are the ones running back and forth from the grill to the kitchen while men stand around burning chicken. Women put knives and forks and spoons into those cute little caddies. Yes, Mom has been up since the crack of dawn getting ready! Who do you think put the shrimp kebabs together, shucked 50 ears of corn and made the jello thing that looks like the American flag? You think the pasta cooked and cooled itself, grabbed the mayo and made a salad? You know Dad didn't do it, just like you know he wasn't fighting the mobs at Costco three days ago.

Except for perfectly shaped charcoal briquettes or that newfangled gas tank, a caveman could rise from the dead and feel like maybe he just took a long nap. "Meat on a spit? Got it!" Of course, I'm sure he'd scream at  Mrs. Caveman to get the crushed herbs and a gourd of water. You can't expect him to leave the spit and go into the cave, can you?

Men, you want to impress somebody? Cook dinner in the house on a Tuesday when your son has a scout meeting and your daughter is crying over her science project. Cook in the fall or the winter when no one is watching and applauding. Get your own utensils, grab your own frosty alcoholic drink. Cook dinner and then put it on the already set table and not simply stand there and holler, "Come and get it!" Figure out what to serve for dinner when the kids are biting your ankles and nothing is thawed. Oh, and how about making a complete meal, not just slabs of meat? That's right, some vegetables, rice, a coupla rolls- something! 

Those aprons that say "Kiss the Cook?" Yeah, right. I'll kiss the cook when he makes soup on a rainy Thursday in February.

Oh, and I'd like bread with garlic butter.

The school year is rapidly coming to a close, and many lucky teachers will be receiving end-of-the-year presents from their students. I can honestly say that I have appreciated every present I have ever gotten from my students and their families. But, I have not been able to use and enjoy every present, and that is what you want for your child's teacher, right?

I do NOT speak for every teacher, but I am speaking  for maybe a million when I say, "Please, no more..."

1. HAND CREAM, HAND LOTION AND HAND SANITIZER.  Teachers have so much of this stuff, it's a wonder that any of them have rough skin and/or bacteria.

2. ANYTHING WITH A "SCHOOL" THEME: 

If it has an apple, school bus or teacher with granny glasses and a bun- please leave it at the store. This includes, but is not limited to:

- Picture frames. Those cutesy frames are only appropriate for school-related pictures, and your child's teacher is ready to forget school for a while. Sorry, the teacher does not want a picture of your sweet child.

- Coffee mugs. The teacher already has a million, and they are breeding like rabbits in her kitchen cabinet.

- Note pads, magnets, scrapbook supplies, etc.  

3. PERSONAL ITEMS:

- Clothing.

- Body lotion.

- Bubble bath.

- Perfume.

- Lingerie. Can we spell inappropriate, class?  

- Make-up.

- Personal hygiene items. I once received toe nail clippers for Valentine's Day.

Don't feel too badly if you have given one of the above items as gifts. I am guilty of giving my kids' teachers everything from ABC picture frames to a coffee mug with an apple on it. I have also enjoyed some of the body lotion and perfume students have given me over the years. The problem is, you can never really be certain about such personal gifts, so it is better to err on the side of caution.

I know that many people feel that gift cards are impersonal, but that is why they are perfect for teachers. Coffee shops, movie theaters, movie rental stores, ice cream parlours, yogurt and smoothie shops- these are all great gift card choices most of the time. Gift cards allow teachers to treat themselves and their families to the things that they like. 

Then again, personal can be good, too. One of my students surprised me with an entire crib set before I went on maternity leave. I am pretty certain that this was a stretch- monetarily- for his family. What  thoughtfulness- and my son loved that blanket!

Some of my most treasured gifts are the ones that my students have "found" or made themselves: a chipped spoon rest, a picture of their cat, a painted rock, a beaded necklace with one blond hair (not mine or my student's) stuck to it.  I put the apple magnet with "World's Best Teacher" and a broken pencil on my refrigerator my first year teaching- and it is still on my refrigerator after many years and many, many moves. I am about to tear up just thinking about these gifts.

Ah, get the teacher whatever you want-

Except lingerie.

Have you ever written a paper and then forgotten to turn it in? How about paying a bill- check signed, envelope stamped- but not mailed it? Guess what I did? I wrote an entire blog post and didn't publish it!

So, here is a reprint of the post Read the Book, Then Watch the Movie with Your Kids, now the family time page in the sidebar. 

Last week, I had the privilege of conducting a student workshop for more than 80 gifted and talented students in Livermore, CA. The students were in 2nd through 5th grades, but oh, they were wise beyond their years! Students this young feel pressure to succeed in school (grades, tests, sports), and some of them are already thinking about college!  The good news is that they also find ways of managing stress and having fun. Here's the list that they brainstormed at the workshop:

Positive Ways to Deal with Stress:

walk away

play video games

skateboard

eat chocolate

pet the dog

eat some ice cream

run around in circles 20 times

play rock band

run 12 miles

do art

listen to music

don't stress- do nothing

rip up copies of homework

play music: piano, guitar, violin, viola

play sports : ballet, baseball, soccer, tae kwon do, gymnastics, swimming, basketball

perform (plays, singing)

scream into or beat up a pillow

dismantle electronics

take a couple of minutes for a little break

take a deep breath and relax

think positive with an "I can do it!" attitude

surround yourself with positive people

ask your teacher for advice on stressful subjects or situations

think about things that make you happy

jump rope

watch a movie

take a small break and read or play video games

get it done!

exercise

talk yourself out of it

take 3 deep breaths

get a snack

give yourself a "time out"

doodle/ draw

talk to friends

drink water

read a book

forget about it

eat good food

think happy thoughts

play with your pet

write a story

tell jokes

rest

have a pillow fight

sleep over with friends

act all weird (my favorite!)

squirt a water gun

take a walk

dress up as a hobo

watch people do happy things

scrapbook with Mom

go to the fair

play tag

look into the sky

daydream

make a club

make a tree house

cook

turn old stuff into new stuff

climb trees

look at nature

find a peaceful spot

finish stuff fast and get it over with

do what subject you like best to build your self-esteem

give yourself 5 or 10 minutes of playtime

take a trip to Hawaii

go to an imaginary cove

throw a softball

do your homework first

think of something else

talk to your parents

talk to a friend

chase your dog

trash your room

squeeze a rubber ball or a bean bag

sleep on it

write a note to help you remember things

Wow! These kids are between 7 and 11 years old! They certainly came up with some smart, funny, interesting, inventive and curious (dress like a hobo?) ways to manage stress- including avoiding it altogether, which is something that many adults can't seem to do!  

Share (print or email below) this post with the students in your life. It's a great discussion starter about school pressure, feeling overwhelmed and making good choices. Ask students if they can they add to the list. Remember, we want positive ways to handle stress. I kept thinking about shopping... 

I am going to keep this one where everybody in my family can see it.

I received this email recently, and it dawned on me that it might be helpful to share my answer with more than one parent as I am asked about studying a lot! 

So, BIG THANKS to mom Linda Garcia for taking the time to contact me and agreeing to share her email.

I really enjoyed your first Newsletter, but I have a question that I am not sure whether you can answer. I have a 14 year old daughter in 9th grade who doesn't do well on any of her tests. She never misses a homework assignment or extra credit but of course, if you do not do well on your tests the grade will still be a D or F. I have told her several times that she must study at least 2 hours (includes homework) every day. I have told her specifically to look at a clock and make sure that she studies for 2 hours. What if I truly believe that she doesn't know how to study or what to study. She has taken a Study Skills course that was given through CSD, but I personally believe that she doesn't really understand that she has to study and study hard. Do you have any suggestions?

Dear Linda-

Thanks for emailing! Your concern about studying is a common one. Many students don't know how to study or even what to study. Of course you want your daughter to get good grades, but 2 hours of studying and homework every night is too much to ask. She might need to do some extra studying before a test, but there are ways to stay on top of the information without burning out. You need quality more than quantity.  

This is how I tell my daughter (middle-school) and my students to prepare for upcoming tests:

1. First of all, get organized. I recommend having a separate folder for each school subject. Keep things to be turned in (papers, reports, homework, etc.) on one side of the folder. On the other side, place all returned/ corrected homework, tests, handouts, etc. KEEP EVERYTHING- at least until the end of the semester! You will see why it is important to be able to put your hands on these papers...

2. A week or so before the test, ask the teacher for a study guide. (Do not become the annoying student that asks throughout every lecture, "Is this going to be on the test?" It drives the teacher bananas.)

3. If the teacher does not have a ready-made study guide, ask, "What should I know for the test?" Often, teachers will tell you exactly what you need to know and where to find it. WRITE DOWN WHATEVER THEY SAY!

4. For math tests: do the end-of-chapter problems or the sample test.  If you can do these problems, you understand the most important concepts in the chapter, and you should do well on the test.

5. Also for math tests: re-do any homework problems you missed. Make certain that you understand where you went wrong the first time. Ask the teacher to explain any problems you still cannot do.

6. For social studies or science tests: answer the end of the chapter and/or unit questions. Often, you will find these exact questions on the unit test! At the very least, you will have a broad understanding of the most important concepts and ideas from the unit.

7. Review/ Organize/ Re-Write your notes.  Take a look at your notes since the last test. Are they neat? Do they make sense? Is there a better way to organize them? For example, can you group certain ideas together? Would it make sense to have one page of dates and another page of important people? One of the best ways to get information into your head is to organize it and write it down. Re-write your notes neatly.

8.  Review/ Organize/ Re-Write handouts from the teacher. If the teacher took the time to copy something, she thinks you need to know it. Take a look at all of the handouts the teacher gave you. Do you understand them? Please don't re-create all the handouts! Think about creating one page the most important information from them.

9. Know the definition of all vocabulary words, concepts, ideas, people etc. that have been introduced since the last test. These are the highlighted words found in a chapter. Sometimes, there will be a list of Important Words or People to Know. Write down all of these words and be sure to include any word that your teacher takes the time to define for you as well. 

10. Memorize. You will be amazed at how much information you know after organizing your notes and looking for important words. Still, sometimes you must buckle down and commit things to memory.

Here are two ways to make memorizing a blast:

Flash Cards. I love flash cards! (Parents, check out this post for more flash card info.) Here's how to use flash cards to study:

Write the word on one side, the definition on the other and test yourself. For example, write electorate on one side of the flash card and the body of enfranchised citizens; those qualified to vote on the other.

Say, "electorate," and then flip the card over and say, "the body of enfranchised citizens; those qualified to vote." Do this over and over until you can repeat the definition without looking at it.

After you have learned all of the cards, start with the definitions and see if you remember the word before turning the flash card over. Speak up! Move around! You will learn faster if you hear the words out loud (auditory learning) and get your body involved (kinesthetic learning). Who cares if your little brother thinks you're crazy? He'll be jealous of your grades!

When you think you know all of the words and definitions, ask someone else to test you. Missed any? Go back and memorize them. Do this until you know every last word.

Folded Paper. I know, I am so high tech! I learned this study method in the 8th grade, and I have been using it ever since- even in graduate school.

Fold a regular piece of lined binder paper in half the long way (hot dog style). In the left column, write the words you need to memorize. In the right column, write down the definitions. Think of the paper as a bunch of attached flash cards. Keep the paper folded and flip it back and forth as you learn each word and definition. Follow the same routine as with the flash cards: memorize, test yourself, get tested.

Start this process a few days before the test. So, after you finish your regular homework, study for a half an hour or so.  Don't wait until the last minute and try to cram everything into your head. Put a little information in each night, and it will stick. Plus, by studying this way, you will still have time for a life outside of homework, AND you will feel relaxed and confident about the test.

Finally, right before the test, review your notes (read them out loud if you can) and run through your flash cards or folded paper study sheets.

You are ready to ace the test!